saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
