Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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