The beer is more important than you right now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
