I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
