Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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