I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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