my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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