Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
