So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
