i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
