when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
false alarm, still single
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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