hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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