if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
