At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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