Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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