It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
