U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
