i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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