I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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