I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
