in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
