upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My balls are so social today.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
