I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
