shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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