none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
