dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
