My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
