at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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