Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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