the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
