dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
