dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
