even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
