i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
