life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
