You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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