Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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