I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
