I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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