Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
