Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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