You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize