I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
