There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
