I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize