Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
