Betty ford says i'm here all night
babies were throwing up all over the place
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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