How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
