True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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