Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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