I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
