Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
