At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
