just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
not ubering you a puppy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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