So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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