I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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