Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
