dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
