Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
