am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
