DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
