DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
