just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
