By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
