you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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