I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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