Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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