so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
